Sunday, January 30, 2011

Getting On My Nerves

So I've been having a little bit of a rough time.  Friday night, out of nowhere, I get this very sharp stabbing pain in my ear - in my good ear.  It lasted 5 hours and then just as suddenly as it came on it went away.  But those 5 hours felt like an eternity.  The pain medication managed to take away all the pain I was feeling except for the ear pain.  I even took a full dose instead of my usual half dose in the hopes that it would knock me out; but no such luck.  There was nothing to do other than try to stay calm and ride it out.
Saturday was much better but I had an overall feeling of fatigue and a little bit of nausea.  My pain symptoms have increased lately especially to the right side of my face and my jaw.  It's difficult for me to open my mouth or chew due to the jaw pain.  Then there's the increased throat pain. It's worse in the mornings for some reason even making it difficult to drink water.  Also, my face must have swollen a bit - although it doesn't seem to be noticeable.  But my radiation face mask has gotten so tight that it leaves marks on my face.  My radiation team is going to adjust if for me on Monday.
All of this is to be expected.  The doctor told me this is all nerve pain and perfectly normal since the tumor is all over my cranial nerves and it's rebelling against the radiation by swelling up.  So figuratively and literally speaking this tumor of mine is getting on my nerves!  It stinks.  It's no fun at all.  But I'm alive and considering everything, I'm doing quite well. 
I'm feeling better today and the plan is to make the most of my day.  The doctor warned me that it would have to get worse before it gets better.  But he also said that the first two weeks would be the easiest.  Well I'm a week and a half in.  So I'm bracing myself for whatever is to come.  And I know that this will pass.  Everything always passes.  I tell my friends when they are struggling through something that in (insert a number of years - depending how big it is) they won't be suffering through this anymore.  The same is true for me.  One day this will be a memory and it will serve to remind me, my family, my children, and my grandchildren that they too can overcome the challenges in their life.


  1. I wish I could always be there with you and for you when you are in pain..It is a great reward and blessing in life when one of the people that you most admire is someone you helped raise.....Thank you for that gift....Love you always! ...Your ili

  2. There is nothing I wouldn't do to take this pain away from you, I keep on praying and living on the HOPE, like you said, that one day this will only be a memory. For sure, I never expect my kids to teach me so many lessons. You will always be my hero. Love you with all my heart, XOXOXOXO...

  3. Thanks Ili and Mom! The admiration is mutual! I love you!